Have you ever met someone and felt like you’ve known them forever, it was that easy? It was like that when I met my husband. I walked into the restaurant where we met for lunch and when I saw him at the table I knew he would change my life forever. I call it love at first sight, but I wasn’t prepared for how easy it was going to be to be comfortable from the beginning. I could talk about anything with him. I was married at the time and wondered what the hell I was doing meeting a  guy for lunch- it wasn’t a date, we had mutual friends- but I was divorced 31 days later.  Now, after two years, I can’t imagine my life without him. I hardly remember it. He’s from Santa Barbara, CA and I always hoped he would take me home to meet his family. A year ago this past December, his mother became ill suddenly and we had to rush to California to try to see her on her deathbed. We missed her by 20 minutes. It was a bittersweet trip. I got to see the beautiful town he grew up in but it was under sad circumstances. It was also the first time I was away from my daughter for more than 2 nights. That week seemed unbearable without her but all I knew was that there was no place I belonged right then that at Kevin’s side. Upon arriving, I met his Dad. It was uncanny. I felt that same easiness like I had known him forever and loved him from the beginning. I know I would have felt the same way about his mom and regret that I never had the chance to meet her. Kevin surprised me by proposing on Christmas Eve and we got married last March. He’s a wonderful man. I feel so lucky and blessed. God’s timing is perfect.

We returned to Santa Barbara this summer with my daughter and took her to Disneyland. She fell in love with her grandpa right from the start and he with her. Kevin has become such an amazing Daddy to Camille. She thinks he hung the moon. That relationship has always been easy as well.

This week Kevin, Dad and I went to the Kennesaw Mountain Museum, climbed the mountain and yesterday he went to Camille’s school and read a book about traveling by stage-coach to California to her class and then we ate lunch with her. Last night, we went on a double date with him and a dear friend of mine. It’s been a great visit so far and today Dad, Camille and I are going to the aquarium while Kevin plays in a star  trek tournament and tomorrow we’re going to all go to Snow Mountain at Stone Mountain to play in the snow. I’m going to be sad to see him go Tuesday, he’s a great man and raised a great son. I can’t believe I have these two new men in my life and in my daughter’s. We’re very lucky.

My father-in-law, whom I naturally call Dad is here visiting for a week and it’s so great to have him here. I’m going to miss him when he’s gone. I just love him so much. I really scored when I met my husband

so, I’ve been wanting to get a Monroe piercing for along time now and lately have been at a crossroads in my life. Whenever I hit a mark like this, I get a piercing or a tattoo or at least drastically change my hair. My only hair option right now would be to shave it and I’m sure as hell not doing that. I’m done with ink for the time being, so a new piercing it is.

So I show up at my local piercing place and my piercer, Elliott has called in late sick. I’ve got an hour an a half to wait. Damn. The good news is this- my budget was $40. Turns out the piercing is $50 but because I had to wait, I got a ten dollar off coupon so I’m golden.  Kind of nervous about what it will look like. Hope my husband likes it, since he;s the one who has to look at my face all of the time. LOL.  So I’m waiting to go back and get ‘speared’, as my daughter calls it.

One of my favorite candies of all time are conversation hearts. Things have gotten a little tricky in that arena in recent years. Necco stopped making the things. You used to be able to buy the small boxes of Necco brand conversation hearts in the traditional flavors. In recent years, Willy Wonka has taken over and the small boxes either contain Sweet Tarts or new flavors of conversation hearts like blue raspberry and orange and cherry. NOT THE SAME.  The only brand out there pimping the original flavors is Brach’s and you have to buy those in a big bag.

In my opinion the flavors range from best to worst, although they’re all good, in this order- white, pink, orange, purple, green, and yellow. The yellow are banana flavored and kind of like ‘One of these kids does not belong’ like onSesame Street.  I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon. There seem to be more yellow and less white in every bag. Disappointing to say the least.  So be careful out there when you’re buying your favorite confections. Tricky marketing and hostile takeovers by Willy Wonka have made it harder to enjoy these classic treats.

I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. There’s no shame in that, it is what it is. For the past year I have spent most days hiding in bed, I am not an active participant in my life and am not present enough for my daughter.  I’ve had bad reaction to so many meds that I’ve been afraid to try something new. Things have gotten so bad that I’m ruining my life searching for answers to cope that are unhealthy for me. It’s been like a downward spiral and I’m risking losing everything.  I just had a wake up call. If the meds I’m currently on were working, I wouldn’t feel this way.  So, as scary as it is to change, I’m going to take the leap. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Birthday weeks are the way to go, in my opinion and as this is my blog, my opinion counts as fact here.

We normally spend Christmas in KY but we didn’t go this year because my dad is disabled and can’t travel and as much as I’d like to see my 96 year old grandmother and extended family, I couldn’t spend Christmas without my parents. Works out good since I’m so sick. 102 degree fever which is high for this girl who normally runs around 97 degrees. Hopefully, this second round of antibiotics (i was still taking them for bronchitis when I got worse) and steroids will help. Too bad it won’t be the kind that builds muscle mass.  That would be a plus.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Things are much more exciting with a 6 year old daughter. Nothing can spoil Christmas with a child that still believes in Santa.

I’m on SS Disability for chronic migraines and believe me, I tried for years to work, in ever position imaginable to make it work but I just couldn’t. I suffer from 5-7 migraines per week and have tried seemingly ever avenue with no success.  There is nothing fun about being in pain 24 hours per day.  That’s my case, except it’s worse about 5-7 times per week when I get acute migraine pain and aura. I’ve tried every drug, done everything non-traditional so far except for Botox which is my next step. I live my life just trying to get o get through each day and trying to sleep but insomnia and night sweats ruin that as well.  My doctors tell me that there is no one in the nation doing more cutting edge therapy than what I’m doing with my pain specialist. I’m on a stable narcotic regiment supplemented by both permantent and temporary nerve blocks. acupuncture doesn’t work. 

I’ve been up all night, save a few random hours of sleep interrupted bby night sweats and here I am feeling like a loser for turning to drugs and sometimes even the occasional bottle of wine to try to make thing bearable.  Am I insane? should I be stronger and just muscle through it? My life is not how I want to live it but the pain seems to take over any chance of me being able to be in control.  The meds I’m on have made me gain weight, so I’m currently fighting at the gym trying to take control back over my body.  I have a 6-year-old who needs me full-time, and each day seems about 36 hours long so it’s a miracle if I can be physically and emotionally present for the whole day.  The pain leads to depression and anxiety and tempts met o self-medicate which is always a wrong turn.  I found myself visiting my neighbors last night mostly because I knew a glass of wine would be offered.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE them and love sitting talking to them but there was an ulterior motive to the timing.  I’m scheduled for another temporary nerve block tomorrow which I’m terrified about , The procedure is less than pleasant and it has is\ffy results. I did a ‘permanent nerve blcok’ ion January and the pain from the recovery was excruciating and  got one month of migraine relief before they came back.  I feel like I let everyone down all the time, my 6-year-old, my amazing husband, my family.  Just 12 hours a day seems like forever and insomnia keeps me from resting the rest of the day. I try to be everything for everyone but it’s impossible.  How do I keep my new husband from wanting to bail when life with me totally sucks most of the time?  I would give anything for a normal sleep-pattern, fewer headaches and no night sweats.  I want so badly to perform at a much higher level and I guess I have to challenge myself every day to do as much as I possibly can but there always seems to be a breaking point. Money is always a mess. My medical bills are astronomical. My husband helps where he can but it isn’;t enough.  I feel like a total loser and would take my own life if it weren’t for this amazing daughter and family that I would leave behind to suffer from the aftereffects.  I pray, I read my bible and there are always answers,. Even when things are at there lowest I know that God is on my side.  There are so many afflictions that I could have that could be so much worse, it’s just pushing past the pain that is the problem. It;s all relative, I ‘m not dying from cancer but I’m in pain 24/7/365 and it totally sucks. I am a funny, fun person and I want people to experience that when they are in a relationship with me, not the sick girl who lays in bed all the time and is dependant upon family for so much help.  I’m calling about Botox for migraines this week. Its’ the first time I’ve had a referral so I have high hopes although the copays will probably be steep but the side effect is no wrinkles so at least that’s good.  Surely there are people out there suffering like me.  What do we do?  I haven’t found the answer but I’m determined to keep looking for it.