Test Drivin’
I like big vehicles. I love to drive them. I once held a CDL liscense and drove semis as a very odd part of my job as ’sales assistant’. I’m a pretty awesome driver, I have to say, and if presented today with the gift of an Escalade or even an F150, I’d be all over that shit faster than you can say ‘zoom-zoom’. (Which, on another note, is one of the best marketing campaigns ever! Can you imagine how much the ‘zoom-zoom’ creator has made for that idea? I’m thinking meeting with boss, guy has totally forgotten that he has to present his new campaign idea by 8am Monday morning… arrives at the office strung out after along weekend, gets to said meeting. The boss says “what you got for me, junior?” and the guy panics a little bit, twitches in his chair and says the first thing that comes to mind. “Zoom-Zoom.” . “Brilliant!”, says the boss. “Really?” says junior. Seriously, zoom-zoom.)
And back to this big car discussion. Huge, expensive, gas-guzzling SUVs are everywhere these days. There is actually a mom with onechild who drops her daughter off each day at our pre-school in a Hummer. Extreme? I thought so at first. Lately, I’ve begun to suspect that she just wants to be the biggest and baddest mom on the road. Who can blame her? If I could afford the car and the gas, maybe I’d be matchy-matchy with Hummer Mommy- who knows?
I risk life and limb daily in the pre-school parking lot. I drive a ‘crossover vehicle’, not quite a sedan and not quite a wagon and not quite an SUV. I’m the smallest fish in the parking lot sea. I know, I know, size doesn’t matter, but actually it does in this situation. Think ‘rock-paper-scissors’.
If you can safely drive your Tahoe, Hummer, Escalade or Suburban, by all means- Rock It! My issue is that the vast majority of women (gasp- yes, I’m bitching about women drivers)cannot drive their vehicles without putting others at risk. I get it, it’s a big machine, you’ve got kids, coffee, your ipod, DVD player and your crackberry to deal with. That’s a tall order. As it would be futile to expect the driver to rid themselves of these ‘necessary’ distractions, all I ask is that you prove your worth before you drive your tank.
I have an answer. We all took a road test at some point…. usually around the tender age of 16, back when nothing was more crucial than the number of car lengths between you and the other guy, turn signal use was a sacred ritual and EVERYONE ELSE had the right away! Is it too much to ask that in order to have a valid licence, a person should have to pass a driving test in the size/type of vehicle they actually plan to drive? I think it’s a great idea. The sale of any vehicle larger than a 4 door sedan should automatically prompt a legal obligation to take that new monster down to the DMV and show your stuff. Parallel parking a Suburban is exponentially more difficult than executing the same maneuver in a 2-door Dodge Neon.
Just to be fair, the Hummer Mommy is a decent driver it seems; at least she hasn’t come close to killing me or my child yet. In contrast, I see a Mommy execute a 13 freaking point turn every morning in her Tahoe. It’s disturbing. My only request- learn to drive that shit!
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