ConFUZEd… How do they make it taste so bad?
Maybe you’ve seen them… bright, summery-labeled bottles of what promises to be vitamin-rich, fruity refreshment by the name Fuze. These drinks seem to be showcased in every store I go to lately. Several months ago, I tried a tropical flavor of the low-cal Slenderize Fuze drinks, lured by the picture of a yummy coconut on the label. I have a weakness for all things pina-colada or coconut. I threw the drink out after about 3 disappointing sips. Since then, I have seen very attractive FUZE drink displays all over town and have even heard friends say that they are snapping the bottles up because they ‘look so good’. So the other day, I shelled out a little over $2 for yet another 18oz bottle of Fuze Slenderize, this time in Straw-berry Melon. It’s been waiting for me in my fridge, looking all cool and delicious. Finally, tonight I decided it was time for my melony treat.
The first thing I noticed, something which I found very off-putting, was the ridiculous warning on the top of the bottle. Along with the standard, Do Not Drink If Safety Button Does Not Pop, was the following cautionary line: Inspect Bottle For Signs Of Breakage Before Drinking. What? Are they serious? By the time I’m holding a glass bottle full of cold liquid, I think I’m going to notice if the thing is freaking broken. If the blood oozing out a cut on my fingers from the jagged broken glass doesn’t clue me in, surely either the beverage itself running down my hand or the total lack of liquid in the bottle, as a result of the break in the glass will. I mean, really!
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the drink was once again so terrible that it went down the sink rather than down my throat. Even a lover of diet drinks such as myself could not force it down. This drink tastes like dishwater with a slight fruit-like (it’s a stretch) flavor, with a metallic aftertaste that lingers. A broken and thus, empty bottle would have been an improvement, or even a cut on the hand would have been more enjoyable than consuming even a teeny bit of this foul stuff.
Pretty bottle. Pretty dumb warning label. Pretty disgusting stuff.
i’m a sucker for cool packaging, as well. thanks for saving me on this one.